thre3; a note to qualm the quarrel

current instances bring a furor to the regime of my storming citadel of thoughts concealed conspicuously in my head.

excerpt from 'pneu journal: bleu' p.3, lines1ne - 6ix:
"...gas station attendant acquaintence this morning at roughly 05:15 and then intentionally missed my [FolLa] community college appointment at 08:00 this morning to go shopping with what little money that remained for me to blow in an absolutely + seemingly frivolous manner..."

i bought a journal.
i bought some half-decent KOSS headphones (my BOSE ones, far too bulky for every day conventional use)
i bought a few other unmentionable items for personal reasons &nd mostly because i no longer possess them due to gifting them sincerely to another, much like my [lessthanthree]. and hitherto proceed is thus, the note i wrote to qualm the quarrel displeasing every disposition doth my mind possess, at the very moment of the least, i should warn:

my darling dear
i have but one wish; for You+i to be near
yet You are not here --
i hope this little gift gives ease Your fear(s)

i meandered a while with many possibilities
on trial that just might make You smile.
all i could hear was Of Montreal
and as one may recall of what their
m u s i c can do for You -- i knew it was a
beautifully perfect fit;

how i feel for you.

granted, this excerpt is of the utmost nonverbatim, simply due to the fact that i do not retain the final hard copy since it was the note i left with the gift for the g h o s t of the past few straining and trying days. perchance, i should hope to acquire a copy of the final form.

this little one is somewhat inclined to construct a capsule and absolutely seal oneself off from this world for a dedicated period of time, burried in breast of the entity that bore us all... yet, i know i retain not the means to climb high enough for that desired resting place. perchance i will settle for our surrogate, Gaea. O! to dream the despair away.

2wo; obligation versus devotion expa n d e d

enter & exit at leisure from my periphery or right in front of me. pass from every waking thought and the whispered words of exhausted breath to becoming out of sight // out of mind, as it would seem to me what you have become. go abso-fucking-lutely apeshit, rant, vent, steam, blow-the-fuck-up about who-the-fuck-ever or what-the-fuck-ever, just get it off your chest // off your mind // off your back.

[ you are adorable angry & has taught me to keep astray of that side ]

when we broke up the first time, it hurt. it was a.total.collapse of reallity for myself-- things were not as i had so dimly believed them to be. claiming incapable of living without one another and soon the fate's tempted such declarations; and we were ( living without one another ).

[ i am purposefully omitting this explanation here for p.II, lines 1ne-3hree & partial line IV ]

you have become a reproaching phalanxe. i can not come in and further than that you refuse to yield the barracade to let me take a peek lest it best suits you. (mInUs the tragedy) must not remain one sided, as i feel it has become.

ps.:
i do endear to hope you enjoi the present. do you think i should write on commission for hallmark..?

2wo; obligation versus devotion

come and go as you please. say what you think and i will tell you my not-so-humble opinion of it all. the first efface of us was brutal. i, of course, wanted not its demise. yet a manifestation of nightmarish reallity were becoming all too personally real. the dreams of desparity, once transparent, were then all too real and no longer surReal.

i know, i understand, i comprehend, more than most i would like to belive; perhaps as you have blindly and naively (upon and against my own better knowledge) led me to belive, better than most, what your situation is. where you stand and intend to walk. i am in the dark and forgive this injuring trespass of words with deeply lacerating truthful meanings: can not devote to a ghost who still is of the flesh.

1ne: the first, e l a b o r a te

these violent passions have violent ends and die at their peak -- like fire and gunpowder, which, meeting, destroy themselves. The sweetest honey is so delicious that it cloys the appetite. Therefore, love in moderation if you want it to endure. in the long run, the hasty arrive no sooner than the slow.

-"romeo+juliet" shakespeare, william; from r+j made easy by Hutchinson & Co. Pub., ltd. ( for the translation into leihman's ), 1984.

1ne; the f1rst

''these violent delights have violent ends,
and in their triumph die; like fire & powder,
which, as they kiss, consume. the sweetest honey
is loathsome in his own deliciousness,
and in the taste confounds the appetite.
therefore love m o d erately: long love doth so;
too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.''